Now, place that side by side with findings that Gen-Z are more likely to be depressed, more likely to commit suicide and scientist or not, the digital connection these studies share is easy to detect. And that they will never be. There is quickly an outpouring of sympathy, crowdfunding pages are set up and donations come pouring in from every corner of the world.
Not minding of course that most of those donors walk past homeless persons on their blocks daily, sparing neither a second thought nor a glance. Between an economy that glorifies perceived success and an environment where an Uber driver could receive bad ratings for trying to have a conversation with a passenger, we have successfully created the ideal narcissistic society.
It crept in slowly, like a thief in the night, taking the form of an increased fixation on the individual and with flowery titles such as Selflove, Nobadvibes and Livingmybestlife. I have observed the gradual rise of selfishness amongst Nigerian youths myself and that says a lot for a society which is very communal and tribal in nature. We have lost the sense of duty that naturally comes with love and we are left only with empathy; the new catchphrase when it comes to conversations about social issues.
You feel it of your own volition, and in matters of your own choosing. The challenge before us now is simple; we need to rediscover the value in our human and communal connections. We are as advanced as we have ever been, but we are also collectively as sad and selfish as we have ever been and it is high time we did something about this.
We need to redefine our values and describe what happiness means to us. Hopefully, more of us will realize that dreams and ambitions are great but sometimes, if you know where to look you will find all you need in the people standing beside you. Where does this selfish behavior come from, exacerbated by a series of crises? For starters, it is to some extent, natural to be self-oriented. After all, what else do we know? We are at the center of our own worlds, always looking to bolster the ego.
Self-interest is the most fundamental human motivation, argued English philosopher Thomas Hobbes all the way back in the s. But acting out of self-interest is not necessarily the only thing on our minds. As research has shown , human behavior can be motivated as much by altruism and moral considerations.
So at what point does healthy self-care and the right amount of self-love become selfishness, a trait we judge negatively? Psychologists, like F. A study published in the Journal of Personality and Social Psychology looked to figure out if people who prioritize self-oriented behavior did better in life. The team led by Kimmo Eriksson of Stockholm University compared such factors as the yearly income and number of biological children.
The scientists identified the more selfish people by their answers to various survey questions. Overall, while the researchers found that in public perception, 68 percent of the people believed selfishness was a common trait of those who made more money, in reality, people with selfless attitudes and behavior had higher incomes and also more children.
Paul Krugman on the Virtues of Selfishness. He calmed down of course, and we were all able to laugh about it. Here are some of the ways selfishness ruins everything:. We can start to think of people in terms of what they can do for us rather than enjoying unconditional friendships. Self-centeredness can damage our reputation and lead to loneliness. Find somewhere comfortable to sit and spend about a minute with your attention on physical sensations in the body e. I want you now to imagine a future where you are a kinder less self-absorbed person — not only kinder to other people but also to yourself.
Spend a couple of minutes with this kinder you. Are you happy? Is this someone you would like to be? Is this someone who is likely to be lost in addiction? More self-absorbed. Spend a couple of minutes with this more selfish you. Which one of these two futures appeals to you most? I remember being in rehab during the nineties and being told by my counsellor that I was self-obsessed. I felt so angry at her for saying this, even though deep down I could see the truth in it. She managed to convince me to do some volunteer work with young people with severe learning difficulties.
I started to be healed by the power of kindness. One of the keys to reducing the impact of selfishness is to cultivate kindness it is also important to begin uncovering the root of our selfishness through meditation, but we will deal with that below.
What we practice we become, and by practicing kindness we become kinder to ourselves as well as other people. If we have a genuine kind-hearted attitude towards ourselves, it will not be possible to remain stuck in addiction.
During my time working as a nurse, I got to witness many deaths. Some of these people died peacefully while others were fearful and overwhelmed. If I had to pick one characteristic for those who died peacefully, it would be their kind-heartedness. This seemed to make them fearless — even those who were in a lot of pain. I remember one beautiful old lady who right up to her last minute was focused on the well-being of her friends and family.
It has left a lasting impression on me about the importance of kindness. So maybe a nother reason to do all we can to reduce selfishness is it can mean an easier death. Just like Exercise 1 , find somewhere comfortable to sit and spend about a minute focusing your attention on physical sensations in the body.
Try to experience the feeling of being kinder and friendlier right now. Stay with this meditation for 10 minutes if you can. In Buddhism, it is understood that selfishness is a direct result of craving and clinging. The craving arises in response to pleasant, unpleasant, and neutral feelings. These feeling tones see our earlier post on the 5 aggregates are triggered automatically by sense stimuli e. The mindfulness program at Hope provides a path away from selfishness to a more kinder way of being in the world.
It involves cultivating wholesome qualities such as warm-heartedness, compassion, and friendliness, while at the same time removing the roots of self-obsession by developing insight. A great practice for cultivating kindness is metta loving-kindness meditation this is similar to exercise 2 above.
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